Newborn Won’t Sleep Unless Held at Night? 9 Gentle Fixes That Work

If your newborn won’t sleep unless held at night, I know how heavy that feels. It’s not just “I’m tired.” It’s the kind of exhaustion that makes you dread bedtime, cry silently in the dark, and stare at the cot like it’s your enemy. You’re trying to keep a baby calm, keep yourself awake, and keep going… one wake-up at a time.

My real-life experience (and why I’m writing this)

In my home in India, the hardest part wasn’t only the sleep—it was the advice. Some grandparents told us, “Don’t hold the baby too much. They’ll get used to it. If you keep holding now, you’ll be holding until age four or five.” But our doctor told the opposite: newborns come from the warmth and closeness of the womb, so being held can help them feel safe and calm enough to sleep.

That advice mattered even more because I was recovering from an episiotomy (perineal stitches)—a cut made in the perineum (the area between the vagina and anus) that may be done during childbirth. (nhs.uk) Nights were genuinely painful. My baby woke repeatedly, and every time I had to sit up to feed and settle them, it felt like my body was struggling as much as my baby was. For months, sitting wasn’t easy. I wasn’t just trying to get my newborn to sleep—I was trying to heal while surviving broken nights.

During that season, my biggest struggle was simple: my newborn won’t sleep unless held at night, and I was exhausted and healing at the same time.

So this post isn’t a lecture. It’s a gentle, practical guide that respects two truths at the same time:

• Newborns often need closeness to sleep.
• Parents also need rest and recovery, especially postpartum.

Safe sleep first (quick, important, and not negotiable)

Before we talk “fixes,” let’s make sure every step stays within safe sleep guidance.

A solid baseline looks like:

• Baby placed on their back to sleep
• A firm, flat sleep surface (cot/crib/bassinet/portable play yard)
• A clear sleep space (no pillows, loose blankets, stuffed toys, bumpers, pods/nests, wedges, or positioners)
• Avoid sleeping with baby on a sofa or armchair (this is a high-risk place to accidentally fall asleep holding baby)

These points are consistent with guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics. (aap.org) In the UK, The Lullaby Trust also recommends baby sleep in the same room as you (but in their own sleep space) for at least the first six months. (lullabytrust.org.uk)

Important note: This article is educational support, not medical advice. If you’re worried about your baby’s health (or your postpartum recovery), please check with your clinician/health visitor/GP.

Why your newborn only sleeps when held at night (deep but simple explanation)

This “only sleeps in arms” phase is common—especially in the first weeks. Usually, it’s not a “bad habit.” It’s a biology + comfort + timing situation.

1) Newborn sleep is lighter than adult sleep

Newborns move through active sleep and quiet sleep, and active sleep is noisy, twitchy, and easy to wake from. Newborn sleep cycles can be around 40 minutes, and many babies stir or wake at the end of each cycle. (raisingchildren.net.au)

Translation: a transfer can fail simply because you attempted it during a light stage.

2) The startle (Moro) reflex can wake them instantly

The Moro reflex is a normal newborn reflex where babies startle in response to feeling like they’re falling or sudden stimuli. (my.clevelandclinic.org)

Translation: the second your baby feels “unsupported” in the cot/crib, the reflex may fire.

3) Your arms feel like home

Your body provides warmth, heartbeat, smell, and movement. The cot is still, cooler, and empty. Your baby isn’t rejecting the cot to annoy you—they’re choosing what feels safe.

4) Hunger, gas, reflux discomfort, or cluster-feeding

Some babies wake frequently because their tummy is unsettled or they’re going through a cluster-feeding phase. If your baby seems uncomfortable lying flat right after feeds, talk to a clinician for support.

5) Day/night confusion is real

Many newborns haven’t developed a strong day/night rhythm yet. This improves over time, especially with consistent cues.

9 gentle fixes when your newborn won’t sleep unless held at night

You don’t need to try all nine in one night. Choose one or two that feel doable, then stick with them for 3 nights before judging.

1) The deep sleep transfer (your highest-impact move)

If you do nothing else, do this.

How to transfer a sleeping baby to the cot without waking

1. Settle baby in your arms until they look deeply asleep (relaxed face, heavy body, hands unclenched).
2. Wait 8–10 extra minutes after they fall asleep.
3. Lower bottom first, then shoulders, then head.
4. Keep your hands on baby for 20–30 seconds (a “bridge”), then slowly reduce pressure and lift away.

Why it works: you’re more likely placing baby down during a deeper stage, not during active sleep.

Real mom note: those extra minutes felt endless, but fewer failed transfers meant fewer times I had to sit up again while healing from stitches.

2) Pre-warm the cot mattress (then remove the heat source)

A cool sheet can trigger an instant wake-up.

Try this safely:

• Warm the mattress area before baby goes down (hot water bottle or heating pad).
• Remove it completely before placing baby in the cot.
• Make sure the sheet is neutral-warm, not hot.

This is a comfort trick—not a sleep “crutch”—and it keeps the sleep space clear and safe.

3) Hands-on cot settling (comfort without immediately picking up)

Some babies don’t hate the cot—they hate the sudden absence of you.

Try:

• Place baby down.
• One hand gently on chest/tummy, one hand near head/side.
• Shush or hum softly.
• Hold steady pressure for 20–60 seconds, then slowly reduce.

Real mom note: when sitting was painful postpartum, this helped me soothe without lifting again immediately.

4) Calm the startle reflex (swaddle or sleep sack—safely)

If the startle reflex is waking your baby, arms containment can help.

Options:

• Swaddle (newborn stage)
• Arms-up swaddle (some babies prefer this)
• Wearable sleep sack (great transition)

Safety reminder: stop swaddling when baby shows signs of rolling. The AAP safe sleep guidance emphasizes a firm, flat surface and keeping soft items out of the sleep space.

5) Use white noise as “sleep glue”

If your newborn won’t sleep unless held at night, white noise can be a simple “sleep glue” that helps baby stay asleep through small disturbances and transfers.

Best practices:

• Choose a steady sound (not a short looping clip).
• Keep volume moderate and device away from baby’s head.
• Use it consistently during the night.

6) Make nights boring and predictable (tiny routine, not strict schedule)

You don’t need a perfect routine. You need repeatable cues.

Night cues:

• Dim lights
• Minimal talking
• Feed → burp → quick change (if needed) → back down
• Same short phrase (“Sleep time now”)

Consistency helps babies learn what nighttime is for.

7) Feed in a way your body can handle (especially postpartum)

If you’re recovering from stitches, night feeds can be physically brutal.

Try:

• Burp breaks during feeds (mid-feed + end-feed)
• Gentle upright time after feeds while you’re awake and alert
• Ask your clinician about comfortable feeding positions if sitting is painful

Real mom note: With episiotomy stitches, repeatedly sitting up at night was one of the hardest parts. Finding a position that reduced pressure didn’t “fix sleep,” but it made nights survivable.

If your pain is severe or ongoing: the NHS notes episiotomies and tears cause pain/discomfort after birth but you should usually see improvement as days go by—so persistent or worsening pain should be checked. (nhs.uk)

8) Prevent overtiredness (it often causes “won’t sleep in bassinet” nights)

This one surprises a lot of parents: an overtired baby can wake more, not less.

Signs your newborn may be overtired:

• Short naps all day
• Hard to settle even when held
• Evening fussiness
• Waking soon after being put down

Gentle fix:

• Protect naps however you can (yes, contact naps are sometimes the reset button)
• Start bedtime earlier
• Don’t force wakefulness hoping for better night sleep—many babies spiral

Real mom note: I learned this the hard way—when my baby missed naps, nights became more wakeful and needed more holding.

9) Build a survival plan (because sleep deprivation is the real emergency)

This is not “extra.” This is the plan that keeps you safe.

If you have support:

• Do shifts: one adult handles baby while the other sleeps uninterrupted.
• Even one protected block changes everything.

If family is around:
Ask for specific help:

• “Please hold the baby for 60–90 minutes so I can sleep.”
• “Please handle diaper changes at night so I don’t need to sit up as often.”

The AAP warns against infant sleep on couches/armchairs and emphasizes safe sleep spaces—so protecting you from accidental unsafe situations matters.

Start here combo (if you’re too tired to try all 9)

If you’re overwhelmed, do this tonight:

1. Deep sleep transfer (wait those extra 8–10 minutes)
2. Pre-warm mattress (remove heat source before baby goes down)
3. Hands-on settling for 20–30 seconds after placing baby down

Simple. Gentle. Realistic.

If you’re overwhelmed, contact me here.

Expert tips that actually help

• Change one variable at a time for 3 nights so you know what helped.
• Start with the first stretch of the night (often easiest).
• Progress isn’t linear. A bad night doesn’t erase progress.
• In newborn life, the goal is not perfect independent sleep—it’s safer sleep + more rest for you.

Mistakes to avoid (these backfire)

1. Trying 6 new tricks in one night (you’ll burn out and learn nothing).
2. Keeping baby awake all day to “make them sleep at night” (often increases overtiredness).
3. Adding soft items to the cot to “help baby sleep” (not recommended in safe sleep guidance).
4. Accidentally falling asleep holding baby on a sofa/armchair (high risk when exhausted).
5. Ignoring postpartum pain—your recovery is part of the sleep plan.

FAQ: Newborn won’t sleep unless held at night

Conclusion: You can comfort your baby and still move toward better sleep

If your newborn won’t sleep unless held at night, you are not doing something wrong. You’re responding to a newborn need for safety and warmth—while also dealing with exhaustion and, for many moms, physical recovery.

For me, the hardest part was balancing conflicting advice with real life. Grandparents worried about “habit.” The doctor reminded us about newborn comfort. And my episiotomy stitches made night waking even heavier. What helped wasn’t one miracle trick—it was small, repeatable changes that reduced failed transfers and protected my recovery.

Tonight, pick just one gentle step:

• wait a little longer before transferring,
• warm the mattress (remove the warmer),
• keep your hand on baby for 30 seconds after placing them down,
• or ask someone for one short shift so you can sleep.

Tiny progress is still progress—especially when you’re healing.

Remember: if your newborn won’t sleep unless held at night, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—small, consistent changes can make nights easier over time.

Disclaimer

This post is for general educational purposes only and is not medical advice. I’m not a doctor, and this content does not replace guidance from your pediatrician or other qualified health professional. Always follow safe sleep guidance and your pediatrician’s recommendations. If your baby has breathing trouble, fever, poor feeding, repeated vomiting, unusual sleepiness, or you’re worried for any reason, seek medical care immediately.